Day Two a call from the embryologist

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Dear God, at noon we received the inevitable call that one of the embryo is arrested at the two-cell stage.

The only one left is only normal grade. At its four-cell stage but with one of four being bigger. Not a good sign.

I guess this is perhaps the end to our first IVF.

I could not help but cried. All the injections, the hormonal drugs taken, my innate fear of catching woman cancer from hormonal treatment, the pain from egg retrieval the fear of operation and all these just overwhelmed me and I cried.

Healthy with no endometriosis, very borderline PCOS, regular cycles, I am only hampered by sperm morphology and the white blood cell in hubby.

I know this is unfair, but I cannot help but blame him. How can I not blame him for putting me through all these and denying me of motherhood? I don’t know how to sermon such magnanimous quality to not blame him.

Especially when Susan who suffered from severe endometriosis and a dying womb conceived naturally a second time. I think how miraculous and how great it is to have a partner with healthy sperm. That can overcome the odds of woman factor infertility. Whilst I suffer in silence.

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