Grieving

Dear God, the grieving has started. I feel the impending loss of the only mum I had. The woman who love me since my first breath is now labouring her every breath. I have no regret. All the love I had for her would not end. I know she would just keep living on and…

Granny

Dear God, it has been a month since we found out granny had stomach cancer. Late stage. I have lost the ability to be happy almost all. Because she is not just my grandmother, she is my mother, my hero, my survivor and the one person who solely showered me love in my entire 35…

How to love those who sin against us?

Dear God, the more I know about my parent-in-laws the scary I find them. Why would parents gold dig their own child?  Yesterday, Woody just sadly told me his dad actually plan to not return him the 30k we lend them to pay down the housing loan. Our intentions to help relief them of mortgage…

Thank God for such a good Dad

Dear God, Dad called me yesterday evening to check if I am okay. Feeling well? That moment, I got a scare. How would Dad know I had a miscarriage? Because Woody and I had yet to tell anyone. And then he said oh because I am worried the Brexit would be very texting on you….

I will miss the money

Dear God, I am being materialistic. But my biggest worry for quitting to try for a child is losing my cushy income. I am just another material girl on the street who likes the pink diamond earrings, the ultra green jade bangle, organic spa products and all. Stopping work would means no more such indulgence….

Should I give up my career?

Dear God, I have to seriously decide if I should stop work. At 35, I probably have one last chance to relax my body and try to conceive again. At 35, I am also most successful at my job now. I know for a fact that if I stay 10 years in this role, I…

Goodbye babies – 5 week 1 days

Dear God, we lost our babies this morning. Strangely I had a progesterone jab just yesterday evening and felt so happy and safe for the foetuses. So I was stupidly confident before I slept. With no spotting at all last evening and 1 week of bed rest order ahead of me. I fell asleep with…

4 Weeks and 3 Days

Dear God, I had more bleeding yesterday night. In fact, it happened middle of the night. I just woke up, went to the toilet and wiped red blood. Just enough to hit a bit of the sanitary pad. I then walked downstairs to take two tablets of Duphaston. Although the two week wait was a…

9 June 2016

   Dear God, I experienced pregnancy for the first time in my life. Our third IVF (second frozen cycle) has succeeded. My HCG level is 865 at week 5 and my gynecologist is sure they are twins in there. However, at age 35, I am totally shocked. May be five years of trying has programmed…

Goodbye Nor Nor

Dear God, thank you for giving us this joyful fella. Even if it is a short two years, Woody and I could live in the happy memories for our whole life. 26 December 2015, Nor Nor left us around 4pm after a vicious attack by a stray cat. Days before, he was having the fun…

Inability to be happy

   Dear God, G and I visited J this Saturday to catch up and more importantly to share her joy as she welcomes her first baby in December. But we left her home feeling very emotionally burdened as J kept sharing the darker side of her. She kept looking at me with intending looks in…

Dengue Attack

 Dear God, we just returned home after a total dengue attack. Both Woody and I were bitten once we returned from the US. Through this time, our love is sweet and strong. The way Woody walked with his drip to my ward and vice versa bring a smile to the hospital staffs’ faces. They kept…